We open on a small, stuffy meeting room. There's enough room for a small round table, two chairs and not much else. Two men walk in and sit opposite each other, the DESIGNER and the CLIENT.

DESIGNER
Thanks for meeting with me.

CLIENT
My pleasure!

DESIGNER
Ok, thats enough of the pleasantries. Lets get this started. Tell me what it is you want.

CLIENT
Bit of an open question isn't it? Basically I've got this website/blog/blog site/thing and I want to update design. Bring it into the 20th Century.

DESIGNER
You mean the 21st Century?

CLIENT
Yeah that.

The designer pinches the bridge of his nose tightly, takes a deep breath and flips through a stack of website screenshots.

DESIGNER
OK. So looking at this you've currently rocking a two column blog with a vaguely retro look to it.

CLIENT
This is true.

DESIGNER
Any thoughts about what look you're after? What do you want the site to say?

CLIENT
Well I still like the retro look, but I don't think it really goes far enough. I love the worn look too. Can we include that?

DESIGNER
(angry)
But you just said you wanted to bring it into the 21st Century!

CLIENT
While also paying respects to the current design.

DESIGNER
(sighing)
Moving on. What about functionality? Is there anything you want the site to do?

CLIENT
A couple of things come to mind. Better Twitter integration would be nice.  I tried daily Twitter roundups but that became a quick way to kill the site. Something on the sidebar would be nice,

DESIGNER
Oh, so you still want the sidebar?

CLIENT
Er. Ah. Maybe we leave that question for later.

DESIGNER
Sure thing. That Twitter thing is easy. Using Twitter Tools you can have your latest tweets appear on the site and have a tweet sent out when you post on the blog. Anything else?

CLIENT
Gravatars, please.

DESIGNER
Great! Now we're getting somewhere. We'll just install Gravatars on your site. Easy peasy.

CLIENT
Uhh...yay?

DESIGNER
Exactly. What about comments? Have you thought about that part at all?

CLIENT

I have. I was thinking about making the Turing stuff better. And maybe having my comments formatted differently to the others.

DESIGNER
Yeah. I don't know what the hell you're using for CAPTCHA now, but it's pretty hideous. I can check out the formatting thing for you. No probs.

CLIENT
Just getting back to that sidebar...

DESIGNER
Yes?

CLIENT
Can that be viewable on the individual posts?

DESIGNER
Sure thing. But it'll cost extra.

CLIENT
Fine. Whatever. While I'm getting gouged can you at least make the site looked different to the standard Wordpress themes?

DESIGNER
Now you're talking! I'll even throw in a chunked up footer and incorporate your sideblog posts into the main RSS feed better.

CLIENT
So you'll take the job?

DESIGNER
(not hearing the Client and starting to twitch)
I'll rejig your whole content. Big fonts! Whitspace! Prettier images! Blockquotes! Pull quotes! All on a canvas that stretches to fit the width of the biggest monitor money can buy!

The Designer begins to cackle uncontrollably.

CLIENT
Are you OK?

DESIGNER
(still laughing insanely)
Never better! Now get the hell out and don't come back unless you've got a bottle of rum and a fat wad of cash. I've got designering to do!

This entry was posted on Monday, September 29th, 2008 at 7:43 pm and is filed under life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.